Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
