I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
