State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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