This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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