420 ftw
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
