You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
