you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
