OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
