Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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