i think i have two assholes
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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