I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
