I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize