apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is Oprah even human
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
