Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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