She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
