did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
