i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
