Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
