Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
