He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
