I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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