i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
