Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
