She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
