Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
