Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
