I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize