cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
