My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hippo gnu deer
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
