How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
