I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
