I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize