Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize