Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
