What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Enjoy the penises
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
