Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
