Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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