I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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