I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
