I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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