Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this just has baby written all over it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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