it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize