he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
