Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
