I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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