These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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