btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
wow bdsm is so cute
Why did my mother make you get naked?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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