Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's the barista slut.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
