Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
