I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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