Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My cat gives me a boner
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
