You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
