I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
