Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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