All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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