ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize