tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize