I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do vagina's smell?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
