So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize