I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
