So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
