Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
