I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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