went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize