I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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