I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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