I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
