I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
