OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
