Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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