I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
