Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
